For Juliet, On our Eighth Anniversary

Dear Juliet,

I never really thought much about the vow "In Sickness and Health" till 2017. I certainly have now. For the first time in our lives together we had to cancel travel for illness, my illness. I contracted pneumonia in January and was convalescent for all of February and half of March.I felt like a burden to you, and to myself for those six long weeks. I began to believe that I was going to remain sick, and my hopelessness began to even creep over the stability of you and me. I began to wonder if you could endure another day, another surprise doctor visit, or another night of my fever. I began to ponder my mortality, my career choices, and whether or not I was going to become invalid. I am still battling with residual effects of illness and the paranoia that it could return. I still freak out every time I cough or have a body ache. However, I have discovered that the S&H vow is one you plan to keep.

While I was in a fog of life, you worked as hard as you ever have. You kept the lights on, the food stocked and nursed me from near and far. You showed me a side of you that was so much tougher than what I had already witnessed, and although you have always been strong, this was a part of your makeup that I did not know. I am typically the guy who keeps the truck on the road and the train on the trestle. I simply could not do it for most of this year. It had to be you. It was not the easiest thing for you, and you are tired, ready to see something new. I hope this is happening. As you read this, we are likely awaiting a flight from London to Rome. The familiar FCO airport awaits, and a new Italy road trip will begin. We celebrate today with a grand tasting of pizza from one of the greatest pizza makers in Italy (which means best in the world). But this is not what this day is about, not this year.

This day, April 30, 2017, we will celebrate vows that seem almost cliche but are distinctly poignant. It is no accident that we are here at year eight. We talk to one another, assess, coach, and postulate about what we have seen, what we want to see, and who we want to become. We are not bound by age, demographics, race, religion, or place of origin when determining our goals for life.  The universe did not weave us from the same cloth as many, and we have long known this. We fit few accepted norms of behavior, and we place few (if any) limits upon ourselves for the choices we are free to make. However, all of this could come to a grinding halt if our health fails us. This illness is now part of our collective experience. We saw the Housewrighter travel and discovery engine come to a very abrupt stop. However, you know what this did for me?

This malady made me love you more than I knew I was capable of loving anything. It gave me the realization that while I took that vow eight years ago, I now know that it is real. Yes, I know I "should have known" it was true then, but let's face it, I am human, and I haven't exactly had the best luck in relationships (till I met you). I mean, if you can love me through the shitshow of early 2017, let's keep this caravan moving. We have no idea what kind of time either of us has on this earth. We don't, and that is the card we are all dealt. What we can do, and what we choose to do, is never let a day go by that we do not seek to better ourselves, ennoble our love, and tell each other I love you, and that we are not going anywhere, in sickness and health.

I heard a classic song the other day, and I sang it out loud in my car as I drove down to my photo class. I belted it out vociferously and pictured your beautiful face and sweet demeanor as I crooned. "My love, just thinking about you baby just blows my mind....all the time."

Happy Anniversary Juliet!

I love you.

Michael

The Italy Rules

The Gondolier

The Italy Rules are my set of guidelines for the first-time and infrequent Italy traveler. I have traveled to, lived, and worked in Italy frequently over the past 20 years. In this time I evolved from a curious tourist to hardened, salty, veteran of the trials, travails, and pitfalls, of one of the world's most visited countries. One usually dreams of Italy for years before finally setting their foot into the proverbial boot. The dream usually crashes in much less time. This post is really for the traveler who has not been deep into the Amazon or climbed to base camps in Nepal. This post is for those of you who enjoy modern conveniences, large bathrooms, and the amenities of a comfortable Western life. For the most part, I am you. I love my big bed, my central heat and air, and my very fast wi-fi connection. However, Italy is reason enough for me forego these luxuries for a few weeks or months out of every year.

One of my dearest friends is half American and half German. He is the model of organization and efficiency. He said to me just the other night that one of the reasons he loves Italy is because it is chaos. Yes, he loved the chaos, and if you have any hope of really embracing la vita Italiana you'd better be ready to embrace chaos as well. I am 100% confident there will be detractors of my post, and let them come. The information I am going to share with you here is well won. I have been down many paths of serious consternation in Italy and if you listen to me, you can likely avoid most of these, and perhaps even enjoy a bit the ones you cannot avoid.

Now, without further ado, I give you, The Italy Rules:

1. Do NOT Over-Schedule - Italians typically accomplish about 4 things per day in their lives and have a damn fine time getting from 1 to 4. Do not attempt to do more than the locals do and you will be happy. Here is what an exceptional first 2 days in Italy look like: (this is not a derogatory comment about Italians, it is praise for the art of good living)

Day 1 - Arrive in Rome - Meet your guide (you will be 100% happier than you can imagine if you hire a personal guide) Check  in Hotel or Apt -   (away from sites at least 10 min walk)- Have long lunch - see 1 site - have cocktails - eat dinner

Day 2 - have good coffee outside of hotel and nowhere near any sites - go to first site of day (perhaps the Vatican) - have very long lunch - go to another site (maybe the Borghese gallery) - walk around eating gelato at a few places  or get another coffee - rest for a bit - have cocktails (called aperitivo and usually includes little snacks and is best taken out on some street-side cafe but not in Piazza Navona, or Campo dei Fiori - go over to Monti and enjoy a glass of wine at one of the many little wine bars in that hood) - have an evening stroll in your finest travel threads - eat a wonderful dinner at around 9 PM - you won't starve if you had a proper aperitivo , and you won't look like British granny arriving too early.

2. Do NOT Over-Travel - You may think you can do all of Italy in 2 weeks, but you cannot. You may think you must see all you can because you may not come back again to Italy. If you rush from town to town, hang around tourists and touristy places, and eat shitty tourist food you may indeed not ever come back. Here is my itinerary suggestion for the first-time Italy traveler.

2 Weeks - if you can't go for two weeks, go somewhere else and save Italy for when you can make a real commitment. Italy requires commitment

Arrive Rome - follow above plan...Rome is 4 days at a minimum including arrival day so let's say 5 in total counting departure day

Florence - Now, I don't love Florence, but there are things that must be seen and frankly, if I say skip it, I will get more hate mail than I care to read. Take the train from Rome and spend 2 nights in Florence. Make sure  to book any museums, churches, and  touristic sites in advance. I have no time to give you links to all this, and half the fun of travel is planning to me, so Google how to do it, and do it. Waiting in line sucks no matter where you are. Waiting in line on an expensive Italian vacation is a hell that would make Dante cringe. Hit a couple of great sites in Florence on Day 2 then get yourself a car and drive to...

Wine Country! - Real Tuscany happens in the hills. I would take 2-3 days to do Chianti (Radda and Panzano) - Montalcino and Pienza - San Gimignano - spend 1 day exploring each of these options (do not rush and make sure to eat well)

Bologna/Parma - go here and eat all the classics like Ravioli, Tortellini, Prosciutto, Parmigiano, and Balsamic - great towns, easy to drive in and out, and not nearly the number of foreign tourists (1-2 days)

Venice - I really love things about Venice but you MUST stay away from the central tourist areas - you MUST go to the islands (take the early ferries so you can get back to Venice by 2PM lunch and avoid paying for expensive island food) See the sites as early as they open, then wander around enjoying your day while the hordes crowd around eating shitty ice cream and wearing horrible clothes. Eat lots of seafood, drink loads of wine in the wine bars everyday before dinner. Stare at the wonders of water travel before flying home.

This is in my opinion an aggressive itinerary. Any more stuff than this and you will hate it. If you plan to return to Italy then just do Rome 6 days Florence 2 Siena 2 - Tuscan Wine Country 4 :-)

10 Things to Know and Myths busted

1. Pizza in Rome is an anytime meal (lunch and snack hours best). Pizza south of Rome is generally eaten only at dinner as the ovens are not fired up until evening. There are some Rome pizzerias that serve only at night but those serve whole round pizzas. The tasty square kind served throughout the day by the slice are fun to mix and match. Order by weight and eat on the go.

2. You do not have to order every course in a restaurant. Order what you want to eat. Be adventurous. Look around you and order things you see on the tables. Pointing works if your Italian is non-existent.

3. Breakfast in Italy is not hearty unless you are staying at a nice hotel or agriturismo. If you love breakfast (like me) buy some meat and cheese at the store and shove it down before leaving your hotel each day. Then order coffee and a pastry like everyone else. (you need not order food to enjoy a great coffee if you prefer to skip the sweets)

4. Do everything you can to make sure your own telephone works in Italy. Set up an international plan on your phone and get lots of texts and data. Getting an Italian phone can be done, but visits to the phone store wastes a ton of time. Use your US phone and budget the extra $100 bucks it may add to your bill

5. Pack lightly - Italy is a small country with lots of small spaces. I can offer suggestions how to pack if you ask me directly. However, for this piece I will simply say if you bring too much to Italy, you will hate yourself, and old ladies on public transportation will hate you! My travel friends and I compete on who can bring the least shit on a trip. It's a worthy competition.

6 Hire Guides - expats, especially ones with blogs about food, wine, and life in Italy are wonderful. I can suggest guides for many regions and a little investment will go a long way to your overall success as a first-time Italy traveler.

7. Plan heavily but be flexible - Do your research and have contingencies if something sucks. If you hate Rome, leave early. If you love Radda in Chianti and want to stay an extra day..stay! An old friend always said "never leave a good party hoping the next one might be better" if the place you are is stealing your heart, then let it be stolen.

8. Cab drivers in Rome suck...really bad! use the buses, the metro, and the trains. Walk if you can and have time (and you should). If you must use a cab make sure and ask them the fare in advance...which also sucks. Driving in Rome is also pure unadulterated hell and should be avoided.

9. Italians are not circus animals and they do not want to do tricks for you. Don't ask them to twirl pizza, throw pasta against a wall, or sing some fucking folk song for your listening pleasure. Keeping this in mind, Italians can be entitled, lazy, and intentionally vague. The fact is that all people are people and generally, people prefer to do things in their own way. Respect this and yourself. Don't give or take shit.

9. Try not to dress badly, but you do not have to wear a dress or suit everywhere. Italians frequently wear ugly clothes and have bad hair like we do, they just have their own ways to do it. Hipster glasses are standard and t-shirts are common among many. However, looking like an extra from Duck Dynasty is not cool. Somewhere between Mad Men, Anderson Cooper, and Honey boo-boo should suffice.

10. Don't spit, put your feet on things, go barefoot in public (or really ever outside of the beach). Do not flip anyone off, or try to buy anyone's attention in any way at a bar, restaurant, or airport counter.

These are the Italy Rules and you must abide by them. No matter what, you will have moments that are so sublime they will hardly be done justice by your memories, just as you will have days that will just suck. Italy is slow. Italians are less and less hopeful of their country, and the monuments are starting to decay faster than they can be repaired. I believe in all of this that Italy will have its generational renaissance and will continue to be one of the finest collections of art, people, and culture on the planet.

I look forward to your comments.

Italy Rules - Expanded

Spaghetti with Clams - Le Marche

What a wonderful and sometimes intense set of responses from my previous post - The Italy Rules. I want to take a little time today to expand and expound on some of my thoughts and provide further insight into traveling in Italy.

1. Italy Guides - Here is my short list of who I would travel with and why in Italy.

• The Rome Digest - This new and wonderful consortium of talented Rome guides includes my dear friend Katie Parla, who is my champion of all things Roman (pork, gelato, beer, wine, art, history, and life) If you are going to spend time in Rome, and you should, let the Rome digest draw a map for you

• Venice - Row Venice Nan McIlroy is one of the most knowledgeable people in Italy regarding living life, eating well, and getting out on the water. Don't pay 200 euro for a snooze on a gondola. Pay less and get out there and learn to do it yourself. Easily one of the greatest experiences I have ever had in Italy

• Tuscany - Judy Francini will cook with you and teach you what it means to truly experience life in Tuscany. Reach out to her. She has been cooking successfully for her Italian husband for years. She will teach you how to impress anyone.

• Puglia - this is a bit biased but I can vouch for the unbeatable quality of Southern Visions Travel. Antonello Losito leads this superior company leading the most authentic excursions into Italy's tastiest region. From 1 day to 1 month, these guys are amazing

• Le Marche - Mariano Pallottini - the best guides are sometimes not guides. For this truly under-the-radar region no one can show visitors the ropes like Mariano. Please tell him I sent you.

• Travel for Teens - If you would like to send your son or daughter on one of the most amazing experiences to be had. I strongly suggest using Travel for Teens. Managed and operated by a group of passionate, intelligent, and experienced men and women, TFT is the leader in volunteer and cultural travel in Italy for students. Ask for Ned or Nick and your young adult will be blown away

• For other Italian regions I have friends of friends and would be happy to do some research for you

2. Fashion - Italians for the most part are some of the finest dressers in the world. My initial post was not meant to imply they were not good as a whole. However, shitty fashion is a worldwide epidemic. I am guilty of lazy fashion choices more frequently than I care to admit. When Italians dress badly, they do it in typically grandiose furor. There is a store in Monopoli, Puglia called "Banana Store." I assume this is some sort of knockoff of Banana Republic as the clothes tend towards the tighter side, made for people with fine and youthful figures. However, the patterns are simply gaudy and the colors never really seen outside of an old Vegas casino. The parade of muffin-top women parading about in Banana Store attire, 2-3 sizes too small is rough on the eyes. I am confident that while conservative and boring in dress, those of us not up to the task of Valentino, Armani, Dolce and G, etc. can rest easy so long as the Banana Store is in business (and the many stores just like them in the bedroom communities up and down the boot).

[caption id="attachment_2138" align="alignnone" width="400"] The Castle of my Dreams[/caption]

3. Italian Driving - While the idea of driving in Italy scares the hell out of many American visitors, driving in Italy is actually about 20% less likely to result in a fatality than driving in the USA. Italians have very strict rules of the road for highway driving. There is absolutely no passing on the right and tractor trailers must drive only in the right lane and only at a lower speed than auto traffic (which is posted clearly on the back of the truck). While parking rules, signal regulations, and almost any rule inside a city zone are frequently fudged, the rules for the highway are followed in most cases and make for a much more predictable driving experience. I really enjoy driving in Italy and feel safer than I do driving in a place like Houston, for example. Italian bus drivers are simply extraordinary drivers. Watching them drive, gesture, smoke, chat, and flirt all without breaking a sweat taking a Pullman down a narrow alley or into the bowels of a vineyard is simply art.

4. Hope - Italy is in very desperate financial straits at the moment (like 20 years ago) and there is a grim light being cast upon the country in regards to its future. Many young people are jobless and without prospects for a decent wage. Government inefficiencies, crime, and corruption siphon enormous amounts of the country's GDP. Life goes on, and sometimes beautifully, in spite of this austere hell. My comments about this are not intended to suggest this is due to a lack of creativity in the Italian people. However, I will say it is up to the citizens of this important country to right the ship. Defeat is an ugly thing to witness when it comes at the hands of giving up. I believe in the Italians I know and love. I believe in the resiliency of this very talented people. I am an advocate for Italy when it seems there are few natives who are. Beat me up for my opinions on fashion, food, and driving, but do not accuse me of diminishing the chances of Italy because I describe life as chaotic. The Universe was born from chaos and so was the Renaissance. I return to Italy over and over not because I need a food fix, or a chance to play in the fields of folly and fantasy. I return to Italy year-after-year to experience living in a primordial space. I come to Italy to argue without offense, to dine with challenging people, and to grow as a person. I see the world more freshly every time I go and I have never lost my fervor for the peninsula in 20+ years of travel.

5. More Two Week Itineraries - This is where I am going to have some fun. Take a look at these if you want to explore some trips in the way of The Blissful Adventurer.

• Piedmont/Liguria - surprisingly this tremendously rich and hard-working region is not always on the traveler radar. Stay in the towns near Alba and explore Italy's finest red wines in Barolo and Barbaresco. These guys eat unpasteurized cheese any time of day. They have amazing local cows whose grass-fed meat is a dream served raw, and the prices to stay in amazing places like Villa Tiboldi are wonderfully cheap. If one must see the Cinque Terre (thanks again Rick Steves) then why not hike through there, then finish with pure luxury in Piedmont.

• Sicily - 2 weeks is such a brief time to experience the island which a friend once referred to as a "continent". Food: unreal, Wine: near the top on the planet these days. Weather: nearly tropical at times, People: alive and getting more alive with the growth of the economy (many would argue it is not growing but I believe it is really getting better). Land in Palermo and do the west. Go up to the Aeolian islands and sail out to active volcanoes. Make your way East and drink up the fine wines near Menfi or drink in the Tunisian culture in Mazara del Vallo. See the ruins of Selinunte and Agrigento before setting fire to it all on the slopes of Mt Etna. This is one of the greatest places on the planet to experience life.

• Sardinia - another island where 2 weeks is hardly enough. The bets pork I have ever eaten was here. The most dramatic contrast in life and landscape exists from the interior mountains to the sea only 1 hour away. Buy a knife, drink wines from vines older than the state of Alaska, and dip it all up with crispy flat-bread and the charming sounds of the local dialects. Sardinia is an Italy few see beyond the glitzy port towns. Get inside the island and you get inside another century. Take a boat there. Flying is boring and being on the open Mediterranean is a real high. Cagliari, Orgosolo, Orosei, Alghero, and Sassari offer the visitor a different view of the world in each stop.

• Puglia/Basilicata - I like to eat well and without blowing my entire bank account. I like to ride bikes through 1000 year old olive groves. I like grilled meats, pizza, and local beers. I like erudite nightlife and funky old towns. Puglia has it all. From the baroque of Lecce to the Sassi of Matera in Basilcata there is more to do and see along these southern regions than any guide-book can express.

These are my Italy rules expanded and I hope you continue to follow my Italian adventures.

Your Life is a Trip - My Latest Published Piece

On top of my own Mountain

Your Life as a Trip - is one of the most fantastic travel publications on the web. I am honored to be included among their celebrated travel writers and here is a link to my first piece on the site: An American Male on the Make in Italy .

I hope you will make this wonderful experiential storytelling site part of your reading routine. Ellen Barone and Judith Fein are two of the most extraordinary people in the travel writing and photography business, and I am so grateful to them for the opportunity to share my work.

Please take a look and leave your comments on the site. I promise to get back to you.

Cheers Blissful Adventurers!

Michael

Top 25 Italy Moments (#25-19)

Here is part 2 of my abridged Top 25 Italy moments from the past 19 years. As I drew these together I knew it would be about people and circumstances much more than just the place itself. Italy, it seems, provides the canvas for which to paint amazing images. I read many of my fellow bloggers' posts and it is amazing just how close we all are in our assessments of things and yet how much diversity exists in our varied experiences. Now, on to the countdown:

As I prepare to embark (finally) on my Top 10 Italy Moments I am rebroadcasting those that were seen only by friends and people who entered the wrong letters on Google Searches. Welcome to the TBA Top 25 Italy Moments  that shaped my passion for the Boot and my need to share. Cheers!

#25 - Rome and Thieves - In 1992 when I was a student at the University of Dallas Rome campus, we were always warned of thieves carrying cardboard signs, thieves that cut your pants and steal your wallet, thieves that would gas your train car and rob everyone in the car while they slept in an "ethereal" slumber, and of course, the talented pick-pocket. I was always wary of these kinds of things to the point of keeping my wallet in my front pocket, propping my train car window open even in the dead of winter so as to not be gassed (while freezing ass), and I even threw a punch into a hapless gypsy's kidney once when I felt him press the ominous cardboard sign against me. I was thief-proof, or so I thought, and I really thought petty crime in Rome was for women and old people.

14 years later I was on a flight from Ireland to Rome with a stop-over in Prague. I had 800 euro cash that I had stored in a "secret" compartment in my checked bags. When I got to Rome's Fiumicino airport (until recently a total shithole with Uzi-clad Abercrombie models posing as guards) and retrieved my bags the 800 euro was gone. This was all the extra money I had on earth. I was working as a trip leader (an abysmal one for sure) and this was all that I had earned and I was being sent home because there was no more work and I was no longer of use. I was pleased to be leaving the company and I was prepared to enjoy a day or two in my beloved Rome before I came home. Needless to say, I had only the 50 or so euro in my pocket and the company credit card for lodging and a cheap meal, otherwise my Rome experience was over. The details of what followed will be in the book for sure and all I will say now is that no one in 1992 prepared me for this kind of experience.

#24 - His Name is Orazio - In the course of human existence, we people have learned the careful practice of rearing domestic pets. As pet owners we are often broken into 2 camps: the dog lover, and the cat lover. I contend there is another special camp for special animals. While these special animals may be of a familiar species: dog, cat, bird, lizard, etc they are not of familiar behavior.  Evolution and the nature of a species does not always override the genetic accident. From the outside, Orazio appears to be just a normal cat. He is first of all, very nearly Calico in color which is not even really possible for a tomcat I am told, and he also is not particularly fond of grooming himself. I believe Orazio is not from southern Italy, but from some far away planet, disguised as a house cat, and sent here to spy on the goings-on of the Southern Visions Travel team. The trouble, predicaments, and often hilarious idiosyncrasies and hypocrisy of this "cat" are a book unto themselves. I am not particularly fond of animals, and I really do not even like most human beings on an intellectual level, yet I am fascinated by Orazio and I am confident you will be too. My Italy would not be "MY" Italy without Orazio.

#23 - Monumento Nazionale a Vittorio Emanuele II (The Wedding Cake or the Urinal?) - The very first thing that struck my eye on our first trip into Rome from campus in 1992 was how dirty and dingy all the buildings of Rome were at the time and the 2nd thing I noticed was the stark white giant Victor Emmanuel Monument. I remember thinking to my ignorant 21 year-old self, wow, I did not know such antiquities stood in such states of grand repair. Little did I know at the time that I was staring at an artistic aberration reviled by the Romans much like we Americans hate Godfather III. I had no idea the monument was less than 100 years old (literally still in diapers by Italian standards). I was blown away by the contrast of stark white marble versus all the old orange stuff all around me and I loved the monolithic design like something from a Kubrick film had just landed and created the most chaotic round-about in Italy. I did not hate the "Wedding Cake" or the "Typewriter" and I was just glad to see something that looked clean and cared for while the rest of the place looked, well; ruined. I had no idea at the time that I was just a stupid American and by my very genetics I was pre-disposed to kitsch and newness. I was from a small town and so when they opened the first Jack in the Box in Ennis, TX, we all marveled at the architecture. Who was I to admire this pariah in the heart of Lazium? Ahh, I came to understand the disdain for this poor building honoring the man who unified the tribes of old Italy. I came to know why it simply "was not proper" and in that understanding I came to understand Italy much more.

Finally, on one drunken night stumbling back to the Piramide bus stop for our arduous late bus ride home to Vitinia, the most talented artist in our class stopped to micturate upon the base of the Monumento Nazionale a Vittorio Emanuele II. He looked at me with slitty eyes and slurred speech while explaining that if this was "real art" he would keep walking, but as it stands, it serves the people best as a public urinal. Perhaps in the book my artist friend will allow me to use his name. In the meantime, I still love the monument even if my buddy pissed on the birthday candles.

#22 - Ciceri e Tria - It took four spots for food to make the list and believe me this pasta would be way up the ladder if this was only a Top 25 Italy meals post. One part hand stretched, elongated and loosely uniform pasta noodles, boiled in salted water and one part of these same crafted noodles that have been pan fried in fresher than virginal flesh extra virgin olive oil. The two pastas are combined and tossed with a simple, warm chickpea and olive oil sauce. The combination of textures, earthiness, salt, and pure love in this dish almost gives me chub. We shared this amazing dish in Lecce (the far south of Puglia) with our amazing friends D&E while being led by the incomparably hospitable Paolo Cantele of Cantele winery in the Salento region of Puglia. I can tell you, for my tastes, the food in Lecce is the most comforting in Italy and at the wonderful Alle due Corti (restaurant) you cannot go wrong.

#21 - My first Italian Shower - When I was shown to my room in the former monastery that once housed Phillipine monks I knew I was in for a different kind of living experience. I was immediately struck by the way in which sound bounced about the concrete walls and tiled floor of our 3 bed dorm. Basically I felt like I was in an echo chamber and I wanted to recite ads from Ford commercials I remembered from home, record them, and try my hand at voice-over work. It was loud, brown, and each time a door was closed in the hall it sounded like someone had just clapped thunder for a stage performance. The noise was one thing, but the bathroom was another. There was a toilet which seemed to hold only a 1/2 cup of water and with a strange promontory bit of porcelain within the bowl that came to be known as the "shit shelf", and a bidet that was the subject of much giggling which was often used as a makeshift cooler for bottles of Bruegel beer. Then, there was the tub. Now this tub was approximately 3 feet long and 2 and 1/2 feet wide including the tile trim. The trim was a shade of brown that suggested neo-monk fashion of the 1960s and the inside of the tub was a basin that I am certain a toddler would find cramped. At the head of the basin was a faucet with hot and cold knobs inscribed with the letters "C" and "F". I knew what C was, but what the hell was F? Only 2 temps, Cold and Freezing? I had no idea at the time that Caldo is hot and Freddo is cold in Italian, but boy did I find out when I turned it on. How was I (6'5") supposed to shower here? Where the hell was the shower curtain? Why was everything in Italy so brown? I can still remember my poor, bony, ass-cheeks spreading as I sat that first time in the basin and my exposed anus taking the full effect of cold porcelain. I could not bear the scrutiny of standing and spraying water all over the bathroom while trying to cleanse my scrawny body and trying to explain the mess to my roommates. For the sake of being a conscientious roommate I had to battle anal frigidity and corporeal contortion. Now, at age 40, I am sure without the help of yoga and 2 nurses I could never squat into that position and manage to stand again.  Ahh, that first shower said to me, "Michael you will not be clean again for 4 more months so get used to it" and I never really did and my roommates turned out to be far from conscientious.

#20 – Gorilla Photography - In 2002 I took a good friend of mine with me to Rome for his first time. We arrived knowing we had less than 4 full days to explore the ins and outs of the eternal city and we were not there to waste any time. To this day I cannot think of a more efficient 4 days I have ever spent in Italy. We got off the train at Termini station after a very long overnight from Paris. We were supposed to have made a trek through several wineries in Italy on our way down to Rome, but we had been tempted to stay in France longer than planned by languid days sipping beers and playing  Pétanque. Now, having missed the better part of our 9 days planned in Italy I was not going to let us miss it all together as I had not been to Rome since 1995 and  needed Spaghetti alla Carbonara like Clinton needs cigars.

We hustled off the train, grabbed the first caffe'  we could find just outside of the Colosseum and as usual, it did not disappoint. We tossed our bags down in the sparse room in the Monti district and then I remember gazing at the mirror and fancying the few days of growth on my face that I had allowed for the first time since I was married (and at the time on my way to divorce). Once our bags were down we were at a recommended pizza joint within minutes and slamming down suppli' while mapping out our route. The proprietor of the Pizzeria had lived in Jersey for years and came back to his native Rome to do things his way. We affectionately named him Fonzi as he was just that cool, in control, and we of course saw him for Pizza refuel each subsequent day we were in Rome.

On our final night in the city we dined (for my 1st time) at the now famous  Grappolo d'Oro Zampano in the Campo dei Fiori where I will never forget the crudo of fresh anchovies served over a bed of thinly shaved local fennel. From there we made our way to a wine bar on a corner and powered through a bottle of something local and precise before returning to our hotel and grabbing the camera gear. This was my last great adventure with celluloid (Nikon 6006) and we hit every major monument, powered through beers and late-night panini while capturing antiquity under the lights and not knowing at the time that we were sharing our final travels together as friends before I up and quit my gig at Central Market.

#19 – White Truffles and Piemonte - In 2009 Juliet and I finally got the opportunity to visit Piemonte.  I had been dreaming of a time to visit this part of Italy for years and now, my wonderful friend Mollie Lewis was working for the Malvira' winery in Canale d'Alba and she and I were hatching a plan to bring these wines to Texas. We were coming for our 2nd trip to Puglia of 2009 and celebrating a few days prior to Puglia in Piemonte would be an auspicious start and a bit a of a delayed honeymoon. Malvira' winery is housed on the grounds of the gorgeous Villa Tiboldi and we had no idea what kind of decadence to expect on this journey through the hard-working north of Italy.

Juliet and I arrived in Milan and immediately grabbed our rental Alfa Romeo and made our way out of the city and into Langhe hills. As it happened, I was stopped by a cop for a routine traffic check and when I explained to him that I was from Texas he got very excited and yelled back to his partner that I was from Texas and did his best yee-haw impression before letting me go. Upon arriving at the villa, the staff called down to Mollie and she met us for a great bottle from the cellar and she introduced us to the charming and mischievous winemaker of Malvira, Roberto Damonte. Roberto is effusive in his storytelling and easily one of the most affable people I have met in my years of travel to Italy. Roberto invited Juliet and I to join him in the vineyards the following morning and to subsequently enjoy a typical Piemontese lunch. As we parted ways that evening Mollie warned Juliet and I to go easy on breakfast as lunch would be quite elaborate.

Of course, when we awoke the next morning my wife and I discovered a breakfast spread fit for a Sultan with at least 5 types of local cheeses, numerous pastries, and exceptional late-season fruit all laid before us in the breakfast salon. I tried every type of cheese and at least 3 of the breads all while stuffing fresh toasted hazelnuts into my mouth like kettle corn on Halloween. I washed it all down with a couple of nice coffees and set out for the vineyards. Our meeting with Roberto was unorthodox in that we just blew past the winery and went straight to the vineyards which were producing a little second crop from which Villa Tiboldi produced the amazing grape marmalade I had gorged down at breakfast. I really have no interest in seeing another fermentation tank or another bladder press so I was thrilled to get into the shoddy little 4x4 and up into the steep vineyards of the Roero. The ancient vineyards at the top of the hill are some of the oldest in the region and with a hammock plopped down on top of the hill and the cool November breeze blowing fall leaves we all seemed to be at peace as we chatted, chomped on Nebbiolo grapes and worked up an appetite. I felt like I was at home here and back to the Italy of discovery I had longed for in my planning and my nightly dreams of lottery winnings.

As we approached 12:30 Roberto announced he was hungry and we should pay a quick visit to his cellar before having lunch at the villa. In the cellar there were numerous lovely bottlings of Malvira' and on top of that some of the top Barolo and Barbaresco from the past 10 years; many in large formats. I tried my best to stall in the cellar as my stomach was not yet shod of the weighty raw cheeses and the copious amounts of salumi I had ingested at breakfast. However, my pleas were in vain as we rolled into the dining room and were met immediately by the Sommelier with a fist-sized white truffle. Our first course was carne crudo, or raw beef from the amazing local fassone cow that is covered with olive oil and shaved white truffles. We were each served a pile of beef the size and diameter of a medium hamburger patty which was then summarily covered in white truffle to the point where the meat was not even visible. I am guessing she shaved to a 10 count and basically went through the entire truffle for just 4 of us. My good God, this was simply decadent and nearly obscene. I remember seeing Roberto's face as we ate and he looked just as happy as I was even though he could enjoy the truffles every day while in season. I guess if oral sex was seasonal, I would smile at every opportunity I had to enjoy it during the "oral" season. Mollie told us that Malvira' had their own truffle hunter and they exchanged wine each year for the lovely fungus.

Later that day in Alba we saw a truffle about the same size as we had eaten for lunch and the price in the window was 580 euro. We long to return to Villa Tiboldi and the amazing hospitality of Malvira'