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Michael D Housewright
  • Housewrighter
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  • Housewrighter Musings

Snoring in Europe (Part 2)

This is part 2 of my existential piece on snoring in Europe and how it enlightened me on Friendship, duty, and following my passion. Keep in mind I was living in Tuscany at the time this was written. Some fine work by my colleagues Alfonso Cevola and Jeremy Parzen have brought the subject of DOCG wines from the Montecucco appellation in Tuscany to light this week, and as I was embarking on a job in this area at the time I penned this, I thought it an appropriate piece for the week.

I had a nice long talk with an old friend last night and was awakened to the possibility that the challenges I am facing in this endeavor overseas mirror in many ways the challenges I have tried my best to avoid for much of my life. I can shirk responsibility at times and justify my actions with a belief that I am better at other things. It became apparent to me while traveling this weekend(2006) with the legendary Billy Jack that it is most certainly important to know one's strengths, and it is equally important not to become dependent upon them to the point of not choosing to investigate those things which one is not so adept at accomplishing. While the existential argument could be raised that focusing on what one does well only makes one better and more accomplished, I tend to believe it will atrophy one's ability to see the world in the contexts of new ideas and new methods of expression.

The big question begged in all of this is; what is the difference between what is real and what is perceived? By whom and how are we judged on personal growth? By personal growth I mean, not only how we view ourselves, but how are we viewed? Where is the fine line drawn between living "our own lives" and detaching from reality and the community of man? These are the questions I am struggling with as I prepare my next trip this weekend on the Tuscan Coast and the Maremma district where the Italian cowboys live and the amazing Chianina beef is raised for the ultimate Bistecca all Fiorentina (IKG steak 2.2 pounds, grilled and roasted bone down on the flames). I am open as always to dialogue and certainly willing to engage in a more thorough pondering of my whimsical sojourn into the world of metaphysics. In the meantime, sit back, crack open something cheap and ferociously alcoholic and enjoy debauchery with Brunello di Montalcino, Billy Jack, and myself!

I picked up Billy Jack at his airport hotel in  Florence on June 1. As always, Billy was curious and playful, already loaded up with coffee that I am not so certain he ever realized was so superior to anything in the USA (at that time), that coffee drinking at home is almost like choosing to drink varnish, and at temperatures that scrape every possible taste bud from the surface of the tongue upon impact.

Many American coffee drinkers (like my Dad's friends) drink over a pot of coffee a day and leave the fecal remnants in the freshly brushed restroom of some everyone knows your name establishment, or the back corner bathroom of a cooler than need be office building, in a place one is happy to pour over the sports editorials while making  multi-flushed mockeries of morning  assuring the job security of janitors round the country.

Coffee in Italy is so superior to coffee in the US that every Starbucks employee should be given at least a month in Italy to train with the real deal. I always hear that Starbucks really takes care of its employees. Well, they need to take care of their clients as the coffee movement (pun absolutely intended) is really starting to kick into high gear and soon Starbucks could go the way of KMART.

Billy was all jazzed up, yet he had absolutely n0 interest in going  the tourist route.  No Uffizi, no Rome, no nothing where I could actually wander off on my own and leave him to be culturally enriched by someone way more qualified than I.  Nope!  Billy was here to ride, eat, drink, and deride all things where I was not up to his standards. I did find ways to enjoy myself immensely during Billy's visit and am very grateful for the chance to show around a close friend; however, it makes for a far better read to discuss how close to wit's end I remained throughout the course of the journey. My mental fatigue was due in large part to the fact that I was living 5000 miles from home, working in a language I was far from mastering, and was continually forced to drink copious amounts of really amazing wine, gorge down pounds of fat and carb-laden cuisine, while performing my duties as trip guide and bike riding buddy. I managed all of this in a vehicle and on bikes that belonged to my employer so I was 100% responsible for.  Nevertheless, Billy was there and I was damn well going to make it fun.

We started with a rain-soaked ride the wrong way out of Panzano towards Greve and we had to climb back up a monster hill to return to the hotel in Panzano (the very lovely Villa le Barone).  Due to my wrong turn Billy assumed the role of navigator for the duration of the trip. Of course, when Billy takes a job he takes it seriously, and from that point forward if I needed to return a key to the front desk, or drop a log in the European toilets (which I continue to loathe after all these years of using them), Billy had a route laid out and was on top of keeping me going in the right direction. To poor BJs credit, he was on vacation, had never been to Italy, and was the financial sponsor of the journey, so I can see why he had big expectations and in many ways I think he got to see some great stuff, and rode some amazing rides.

However, the story of the journey could have been considerably more fun had I not been exhausted.  While outwardly, I appeared tired and somewhat cranky during much of the trip. I attributed this tiredness to lack of sleep because of worry, lack of shape on the bike, and too much wine. While these hardships had some detrimental effect, it was definitely the the nighttime sounds of Billy Jack that left me sleep deprived and praying for death on several occasions. Since Billy was paying he chose to share a room with me and forgo any chance of scoring a hot Tuscan surprise.

Now, Claude had set the precedent, but our beloved Billy snored decibels that small screaming children on airplanes could only aspire to achieve. The sudden grunts from deep within Billy were like some ghost of the Cinghiale(wild boar) Billy had voraciously ingested that day which was desperately trying to free itself from Billy's wine soaked gullet. I was sad at times, and at times I found myself close to smothering poor Billy to death with the mountain of pillows he had built around him like a fortress of protection.  The snorts, the grunts, and other sounds of digestion left me close to clearing my paltry little bank account and setting up my own room in each hotel we stayed over the course of 5 days.

As the trip grew into the final stages it was clear I was going to snap. One afternoon while Billy napped I disappeared into the respite of Montalcino and had an ice cream and pondered the amazing quality of the local wines and how much I adored them. This moment of solace allowed me to put the trip into perspective.

Billy and I had some really great talks, as we always do.  We discovered many ways we are alike, and some ways perhaps we both wished we were different. One of my colleagues whom Billy met  thought Billy and I shared enough style similarity to be related. I think overall he is a lifetime overachiever and he will continue to be. As for me I will continue to be the best friend I can, and know in all truth that sharing a room can be one of the quickest ways even good friends can falter.

When our final morning arrived I left Billy to a cab driver in Florence where I hope he got some rest, some Vivoli gelato, and maybe even an elusive Bistecca alla Fiorentina. As for me I drove the next day to southern Tuscany and braved the land of Italian cowboys  who ate 4 course meals out on the range and were amazing horsemen even in pink shirts.

So, what is perception, what is reality, and according to Billy, what is earned? When one plays in the constructs of the world that are agreed to, I believe it is all about what one makes it. I am comforted in my journey of discovery; at least until someone tells me I shouldn't be, then it is back to the drawing board of the 4 Agreements and my chance once again to decide what I am going to let drive my life.

tags: @blissadventure, adventure, Antonello Losito, BACKROADS, beer, Billy Stanbery, birthday, Blink, Ca’ del Fico, challenge, Chianti, cycling, death, Europe, Florence, food, food porn, foodies, Greve, italian, Italy, Keeper Collection, Medium Raw, Michael Housewright, New York, Panzano, pasta, restaurant, Southern Visions, the blissful adventurer, Uffizzi, Villa Barone
Thursday 04.28.11
Posted by Sarah Finger
 

My Dinner with Malcolm Gladwell (Epilogue)

Bounty hunter #1: You're wanted, Wales.
Josey Wales: Reckon I'm right popular. You a bounty hunter?
Bounty hunter #1: A man's got to do something for a living these days.
Josey Wales: Dyin' ain't much of a living, boy.

- The Outlaw Josey Wales

TUESDAY: I had to come up with a plan. It had to be fate that Malcolm “Blink”ing Gladwell rolled up next to me at the Catalina having what appeared to be a cappuccino while looking nervously at his computer screen. I could leave him alone, or I could see what he was all about. This is Texas, and we are nosy, chatty, and very want to tell people about ourselves; therefore, if I just start a chat it will either become a legitimate chat, or possibly one of the suicide scenes from Airplane. I took a shot of Rwanda to instill some bravery and -----I quickly decided that if  it was fate I would indeed see him here again and we might even have a meaningful chat.

I then quickly imagined an entire scenario where I would ask him to dinner and he would refuse, and I would insist, and he would agree. I imagined that if he came I would cook a risotto and offer him something from the cellar, but not the Piemonte wine I had promised, and he would have a girlfriend and typical nerdy insecurities. I imagined he would be polite but not overly excited and I think I would have been right. At the same time, I imagined he would actually enjoy me way more than the story I would write, but since he would not come to dinner (although I did send him an email and request the honor of his presence) I thought letting my imagination flow and engage my roots in play-writing would be fun for this story.

Much of the initial meeting with MG was fact including  the rude interruption, and the exchange with the barista. However, as it was, Gladwell grabbed his things and made a point to tell me it was nice to have met me as he rolled out of Catalina on last Tuesday. The fiction ensued from there including Leora, the Krug, and the Krav Maga. I did cook the exact meal I described in the stories for my wife and I, but Malcolm, as he has yet to respond, missed out on the risotto.

I have recently become friends with a super cool writer from New York that is in the middle of a play development process where I am hopeful to direct again for the first time in quite a few years. I have never lost my passion for the stage or the written word and while all of this seems new to those who have known me for only a short time, this path and the pitfalls are not new to me. According to Gladwell, in What the Dog Saw there are some artists whose talent is immediately recognized and who from a young age are displaying their crafts for a world audience (Picasso) and there are others (Cezanne) for whom success came at a much later age (46+), yet the common drive to create and to live a life from their own guiding spirits was unwavering.

I have no idea whether I will be monetarily or even socially successful in my endeavors as a writer and storyteller, but as long as I have fingers, stories, and the feeling that I am inhabited by the characters I have met on this planet, I will create. Some stories will be inane and some hopefully insightful, but just as I told my theater professors in college, I am cut from the cloth of PT Barnum rather than Aeschylus; and I just want to keep audience attention, even if it takes train wrecks, the scatological, or occasionally the sublime.

Stay with me if you want to see what is next or roll back to your comfy pillow and count your money :-)

Michel' Sì probrê du iun!

tags: @blissadventure, adventure, Anthony Bourdain, Blink, challenge, cycling, food, food porn, foodies, Malcolm Gladwell, Medium Raw, Michael Housewright, New York, Outliers, Puglia, Southern Visions, the blissful adventurer, The Outlaw Josey Wales, The Tipping Point, What the Dog Saw
Wednesday 04.20.11
Posted by Sarah Finger
 

And the Winner is....not even Medium and Very Raw

Dear Readers and Fans of Bliss,

I come to you on this day to express my supreme gratitude for all your support during the Anthony Bourdain "Medium Raw Challenge" and to offer some detail and opinions as to how this whole process transpired. As many of you likely know by now I did not win the contest and the winner in fact had only 3 votes. This has caused much consternation among  my voting constituency and I believe it is important to know the rules in detail for the contest, which I have copied here directly from the website. 

The preliminary round will be judged on the following criteria: (i) creativity (30%), (ii) originality (30%), (iii) writing style (30%) ten percent (10%) will be determined by the voting of visitors to the Website. Based on these criteria, ten finalists will be selected. The ten finalist selections will be read by Anthony Bourdain, who will select one essay as the final contest winner. The criteria for the final winner will be based upon which essay Anthony Bourdain decides best answers the question “What does it mean to cook food well?”

Now, as you can see all of the amazing votes cast by the many supporters of the contestants amounted to 10% of the selection process. With this I am OK and 100% willing to accept; however,if you carefully look at the other 90% criteria and the final decision it becomes clear to me that the actual winning essay (http://bourdainmediumraw.com/essays/view/1303) actually missed the point of the competition quite egregiously and frankly I cannot see how the winner even made the final 10. I am not a sour grapes guy. I always knew that I was more likely not to win the competition and as I told many of you,the support I received and the outpouring of love was far more valuable to me than winning ever could be.  At the same time I take a great exception to a contest posting criteria, albeit subjective criteria, to be considered for winning and then awarding the prize to an essay that fulfilled perhaps 60% of the criteria (and that is being generous). The winner did not meet the fundamental requirement of the contest, he did not answer the question,"Why Cook Well?".

How did this happen you might say?  Without diving into conspiracy theories I will leave it ast this. If you have ever read a Bourdain book or watched an episode of No Reservations it is apparent that Bourdain has a soft spot in his heart for the working class guy/girl. I have a sneaking suspicion that rules be damned, a guy slaving over the furniture of the wealthy day in and day out who comes home to eat cold food and is completely absent from the day-to-day life of his family gives old Tony B that cringing feeling of slaving over a hot stove making bullshit continental cuisine for an ungrateful audience that he so eloquently espouses in his books and his television show. It is this feeling that Bourdain could make a difference in this guy's life that likely made him choose to award the 10k to this essay which did not meet the criteria of the contest. Let's face it, we are talking Tony Bourdain here. He has never really followed the rules and that is why most of us love him. The funny part of this would be if the winner really was not furniture mover but rather a clever writer and professor of psychology at NYU who used a pseudonym and a ruse to pull one over on the publisher and old Tony B. Of course,it is possible to suggest that the competition and the rules are subject to interpretation and they most certainly are,and I just gave you mine in these last two paragraphs. Now,I am going to take 500 words to present to you an essay that puts me in the same light as furniture moving Mike and likely would have at least gotten me a sympathy comment from friend of the working man,Anthony Bourdain.

It was 1982 and just days before my birthday my mom called me over to tell me something very important, not that I got to select which puppy I wanted for my birthday or which meal I wanted or cake icing did I want to choose for the birthday feast, but that my father and mother were divorcing and that the separation she had told us about for business was a total lie. Rather than the usual feelings of joy and visceral hype associated with the coming winter break from school and my birthday (12), I was staring blurry eyed through tears and questioning once again why my childhood was on the ropes while I watched with envy as my friends played merrily in the lawns up and down our street. You see, I had young parents, and young parents could not possibly know what kind of damage they were doing to my brother and I with a series of broken promises, lies, and unfulfilled childhood dreams dashed upon the rocks like the great Christmas nightmare of empty stockings and wooden tinker toys from bygone eras rather than a shiny new Atari 5200 wrapped under the tree. Once again, my birthday time was overshadowed by some other grave situation. It sucks bad enough that my birthday comes 6 days before Christmas and that I was always left to ponder the economies of scale associated with that "this is your birthday and Christmas gift combined" while my brother's May 31 birthday always yielded him an end of school year party and other great rewards for blessing the family with another year his joyful presence, but now I had a nice fat D.I.V.O.R.C.E. in my stocking along with the lump of coal in my throat and oh, did I mention, at the end of the "we still love you boys" divorce speech we also got "Christmas is going to be light this year". Light compared to what? When it came to gift time in my house, it was light, lighter, and "here kid, here's a free outdated computer I got for buying a few rolls of carpet" light. In essence, this time of the year sucked and it sucked even worse now.

Thank God for my grandparents and for food. Since I was old enough to remember, my grandparents had food, and lots of it. At our house we were on milk rations,bread rations,and peanut butter rations.  I constantly heard "who ate all the fucking baloney?" I could imagine hearing that now if someone tore into a plate of foie gras or scooped out a hunk of beluga from a prized gift,but who ate the fucking baloney? You see,we were not only getting divorced,but we were also poor and food costs were stifling  to a single mother with 2 hungry boys. My mom, while young and a real emotional mess worked her ass off as a secretary for very likely vacuous and cynical corporate jerk-offs in order to buy basic foods so my brother and I would not go without eating even though sometimes she claimed to not be hungry when in hindsight I know she was.  Also, it is important to mention that my brother and I ate a lot of food, so the odds were stacked against our poor overworked mom and likely our needs and her pain, led to her really nasty sailor mouth that both my brother and I picked up with aplomb. Nevertheless, there was great food at my grandparents' places. We had cold sausage on white bread,cheese toast on white bread, biscuit donuts with powdered sugar glaze,cinnamon toast on white bread,cinnamon biscuits from a can, eggs any way we wanted,egg and bacon sandwiches with American cheese on white bread, and always lots of sodas.  Now, this may sound like a quick road to obesity,diabetes,and perhaps even death,but I was a scrawny kid and couldn't gain a pound with a clothes-on shower so all this food only brought about gastronomical joy, some relief from depravity, and likely some ADHD.  Why cook well?  Because it keeps poor, sad,divorced kids from wanting to do a swan dive from the top of the junior high into a pile of asshole bullies taking them out and ending another life without Christmas.

Dear Tony, I really need that 10 grand to afford my white bread and sausage habit..

tags: family, foodporn, christmas, birthday, Adventure, @Blissadventure, adventure, bourdain, food porn, Medium Raw, sausage patties, white bread
Tuesday 11.02.10
Posted by Sarah Finger
 

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