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Michael D Housewright
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Snoring in Europe (Part 2)

This is part 2 of my existential piece on snoring in Europe and how it enlightened me on Friendship, duty, and following my passion. Keep in mind I was living in Tuscany at the time this was written. Some fine work by my colleagues Alfonso Cevola and Jeremy Parzen have brought the subject of DOCG wines from the Montecucco appellation in Tuscany to light this week, and as I was embarking on a job in this area at the time I penned this, I thought it an appropriate piece for the week.

I had a nice long talk with an old friend last night and was awakened to the possibility that the challenges I am facing in this endeavor overseas mirror in many ways the challenges I have tried my best to avoid for much of my life. I can shirk responsibility at times and justify my actions with a belief that I am better at other things. It became apparent to me while traveling this weekend(2006) with the legendary Billy Jack that it is most certainly important to know one's strengths, and it is equally important not to become dependent upon them to the point of not choosing to investigate those things which one is not so adept at accomplishing. While the existential argument could be raised that focusing on what one does well only makes one better and more accomplished, I tend to believe it will atrophy one's ability to see the world in the contexts of new ideas and new methods of expression.

The big question begged in all of this is; what is the difference between what is real and what is perceived? By whom and how are we judged on personal growth? By personal growth I mean, not only how we view ourselves, but how are we viewed? Where is the fine line drawn between living "our own lives" and detaching from reality and the community of man? These are the questions I am struggling with as I prepare my next trip this weekend on the Tuscan Coast and the Maremma district where the Italian cowboys live and the amazing Chianina beef is raised for the ultimate Bistecca all Fiorentina (IKG steak 2.2 pounds, grilled and roasted bone down on the flames). I am open as always to dialogue and certainly willing to engage in a more thorough pondering of my whimsical sojourn into the world of metaphysics. In the meantime, sit back, crack open something cheap and ferociously alcoholic and enjoy debauchery with Brunello di Montalcino, Billy Jack, and myself!

I picked up Billy Jack at his airport hotel in  Florence on June 1. As always, Billy was curious and playful, already loaded up with coffee that I am not so certain he ever realized was so superior to anything in the USA (at that time), that coffee drinking at home is almost like choosing to drink varnish, and at temperatures that scrape every possible taste bud from the surface of the tongue upon impact.

Many American coffee drinkers (like my Dad's friends) drink over a pot of coffee a day and leave the fecal remnants in the freshly brushed restroom of some everyone knows your name establishment, or the back corner bathroom of a cooler than need be office building, in a place one is happy to pour over the sports editorials while making  multi-flushed mockeries of morning  assuring the job security of janitors round the country.

Coffee in Italy is so superior to coffee in the US that every Starbucks employee should be given at least a month in Italy to train with the real deal. I always hear that Starbucks really takes care of its employees. Well, they need to take care of their clients as the coffee movement (pun absolutely intended) is really starting to kick into high gear and soon Starbucks could go the way of KMART.

Billy was all jazzed up, yet he had absolutely n0 interest in going  the tourist route.  No Uffizi, no Rome, no nothing where I could actually wander off on my own and leave him to be culturally enriched by someone way more qualified than I.  Nope!  Billy was here to ride, eat, drink, and deride all things where I was not up to his standards. I did find ways to enjoy myself immensely during Billy's visit and am very grateful for the chance to show around a close friend; however, it makes for a far better read to discuss how close to wit's end I remained throughout the course of the journey. My mental fatigue was due in large part to the fact that I was living 5000 miles from home, working in a language I was far from mastering, and was continually forced to drink copious amounts of really amazing wine, gorge down pounds of fat and carb-laden cuisine, while performing my duties as trip guide and bike riding buddy. I managed all of this in a vehicle and on bikes that belonged to my employer so I was 100% responsible for.  Nevertheless, Billy was there and I was damn well going to make it fun.

We started with a rain-soaked ride the wrong way out of Panzano towards Greve and we had to climb back up a monster hill to return to the hotel in Panzano (the very lovely Villa le Barone).  Due to my wrong turn Billy assumed the role of navigator for the duration of the trip. Of course, when Billy takes a job he takes it seriously, and from that point forward if I needed to return a key to the front desk, or drop a log in the European toilets (which I continue to loathe after all these years of using them), Billy had a route laid out and was on top of keeping me going in the right direction. To poor BJs credit, he was on vacation, had never been to Italy, and was the financial sponsor of the journey, so I can see why he had big expectations and in many ways I think he got to see some great stuff, and rode some amazing rides.

However, the story of the journey could have been considerably more fun had I not been exhausted.  While outwardly, I appeared tired and somewhat cranky during much of the trip. I attributed this tiredness to lack of sleep because of worry, lack of shape on the bike, and too much wine. While these hardships had some detrimental effect, it was definitely the the nighttime sounds of Billy Jack that left me sleep deprived and praying for death on several occasions. Since Billy was paying he chose to share a room with me and forgo any chance of scoring a hot Tuscan surprise.

Now, Claude had set the precedent, but our beloved Billy snored decibels that small screaming children on airplanes could only aspire to achieve. The sudden grunts from deep within Billy were like some ghost of the Cinghiale(wild boar) Billy had voraciously ingested that day which was desperately trying to free itself from Billy's wine soaked gullet. I was sad at times, and at times I found myself close to smothering poor Billy to death with the mountain of pillows he had built around him like a fortress of protection.  The snorts, the grunts, and other sounds of digestion left me close to clearing my paltry little bank account and setting up my own room in each hotel we stayed over the course of 5 days.

As the trip grew into the final stages it was clear I was going to snap. One afternoon while Billy napped I disappeared into the respite of Montalcino and had an ice cream and pondered the amazing quality of the local wines and how much I adored them. This moment of solace allowed me to put the trip into perspective.

Billy and I had some really great talks, as we always do.  We discovered many ways we are alike, and some ways perhaps we both wished we were different. One of my colleagues whom Billy met  thought Billy and I shared enough style similarity to be related. I think overall he is a lifetime overachiever and he will continue to be. As for me I will continue to be the best friend I can, and know in all truth that sharing a room can be one of the quickest ways even good friends can falter.

When our final morning arrived I left Billy to a cab driver in Florence where I hope he got some rest, some Vivoli gelato, and maybe even an elusive Bistecca alla Fiorentina. As for me I drove the next day to southern Tuscany and braved the land of Italian cowboys  who ate 4 course meals out on the range and were amazing horsemen even in pink shirts.

So, what is perception, what is reality, and according to Billy, what is earned? When one plays in the constructs of the world that are agreed to, I believe it is all about what one makes it. I am comforted in my journey of discovery; at least until someone tells me I shouldn't be, then it is back to the drawing board of the 4 Agreements and my chance once again to decide what I am going to let drive my life.

tags: @blissadventure, adventure, Antonello Losito, BACKROADS, beer, Billy Stanbery, birthday, Blink, Ca’ del Fico, challenge, Chianti, cycling, death, Europe, Florence, food, food porn, foodies, Greve, italian, Italy, Keeper Collection, Medium Raw, Michael Housewright, New York, Panzano, pasta, restaurant, Southern Visions, the blissful adventurer, Uffizzi, Villa Barone
Thursday 04.28.11
Posted by Sarah Finger
 

Snoring in Europe (Part 1)

God be with those who explore

In the cause of understanding:

Whose search takes them far

From what is familiar and comfortable

And leads them to danger or terrifying loneliness.

Let us try to understand their confronting or

Unusual language; the uncommon life of their emotions,

For they have been affected and shaped and changed

By their struggle at the frontiers of a wild darkness,

Just as we may be affected, shaped, and changed

By the insights they bring back to us

Bless them with strength and peace.

Amen

This week for me begins with a tale from 2006 and my first days leading for BACKROADS. The prayer from above has stayed with me and in my pocket since 2006 and it never fails to remind me of who I am and what I do. As many of you know, I actually led cycling trips one summer before I decided to start my own biz with Antonello.

I was training in the south of France when this story took place and it led to a subsequent snoring story with my good friend while cycling in Tuscany a month later.

Snoring is a disease, and certainly there are methods to curing the suffering, and certain sleep dysfunction caused by the insipid palsy that affects so many in the tremors of the deep night. Whilst in France I was confronted with 2 sleeping options as I moved my things into the Provence leader house near Carpentras.

 A. I move upstairs to a large room with 3 or 4 other people whom I did not know, and face the challenge of walking up a flight of stairs that forced me to continue ducking until I reached the upstairs landing. Keep in mind I had just gotten a concussion that week from not ducking far enough under a trailer door as I exited carrying a pile of bike gear. This was pushing my number of lifetime concussions closer and closer to Troy Aikman territory and I had even grazed my head on the low ceiling above the stairs just a couple of days prior while at a return to Europe party in the house.

OR

B. I move into a room with one other guy, a friendly Canadian fellow named Claude (Clode) who had been leading trips for several years. The choice seemed so apparent to me I quickly ushered my things into the room with this bundle of esoteric knowledge; Claude. The funny thing was;  I went in with my gleeful bags of bouillon cubes, chefs knife, and far too many clothes, while the others in the house were looking at me as if I had just chosen Sam Bowie over Michael Jordan in the 1985 NBA draft. To those in the know, Claude the gentle while awake, became Claude; destroyer of all things, when sleeping.

However, I was undaunted as I was not only going to avoid further head trauma, I was going to once and for all wean myself from the habit of being a light sleeper. No more was I going to be fazed by erratic night noises including faucets, crickets, and flatulent girlfriends. Nevermore was I going to be left awake and contemplative of nightly suicide because of bright clocks, partially open windows, alcohol induced tremors, nothing. This Claude guy was going to show me the way to a real respite, and the white whale of a full night's sleep would be mine at last.

Sadly, just as Ahab spit his last breath at Moby Dick, I too was left grasping at the frayed elastic of my boxers and battening down the hatches of blankets over my head to endure the rampant and unpredictable squalls of snores cast upon me by the now malicious and hateful Claude. By day, he was a resource for all things Backroads. He was the inspirational traveler to Vietnam (cheers Claude, I made it!). He told me of cheap accommodations in Saigon (where he was likely evicted  after each night his unsuspecting proprietors heard the thundering tsunami of snores). Claude brought hell with each breath, and on night 1 I felt as though I had been assailed by not only Claude, but some silent arriving interloper delivering a second death blow of unique sound interspersed with the initial insonorous launch.  How could anyone claim to be asleep and make this kind of noise?

Then it turns out, to my sad surprise, that Claude is one of the legendary snoring ventriloquists. While rare, they can be spotted at times playing hold'em with the Yeti at a Lockness casino. Claude, had mastered the art of delivering a deep inhaling snore, coupled with a migrant, pitch shifting, exhaling snore which bounced around the sonic register as to appear to be coming from all sides. I mean this guy was like BOSE technology on snoring.

Needless to say, my egocentric side forced me to ride out the wave and blame the subsequent next day eye-bags on too much vino and too late to bed.Yet I knew the truth was lying 5 feet away while my short-statured colleagues were resting easy in their upstairs cave of tranquility. I loathed them all and prayed for some relief on night 2 of the onslaught. After a Tet offensive-like barrage in the first 20 minutes of tossing and turning I finally rose to my feet, blanket in hand, and made my way to the couch in the living room, only to find a sleeping colleague had beaten me to the punch which sent me back to sleep apnea hell for the remainder of another long night. I was told in the morning that the sofa would be free should I venture that way again; and I did, every night  until the troll guarding me from crossing the bridge to sleep-town decided to spend the night away...on my last night in Provence.

tags: @blissadventure, adventure, Adventurers, Anthony Bourdain, Antonello Losito, BACKROADS, essay, Europe, Florence, food, France, Keeper Collection, Michael Housewright, Provence, Southern Visions, the blissful adventurer, The Tipping Point, Travelers, What the Dog Saw
Wednesday 04.27.11
Posted by Sarah Finger
 

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